Halloween is fast approaching. We always enjoy Halloween a little too much, mainly for the cuteness of the trick-or-treaters in these parts. And that was before we had our own offspring. Obviously Anna is still too young to participate this year (although Mummy and Daddy may have perpetrated a halloween babygrow… you’ll just have to wait until the day in question for the unforgiveable photos).
However I’m currently lacking anything spooky to watch. The trouble is my brain is too demanding. I’m a sceptic who desperately likes being creeped out but has to find things that sneak past my hokum-detectors and let me suspend my disbelief. I generally don’t like gory horror movies, I’m not remotely interesting in things like Saw, I can’t stand creduluous ‘documentary’ series about ghosts, and I’d rather gouge Derek Acorah’s eyes out than watch Most Haunted. If only there was a genuinely rigorous, scientifically minded documentary about the supernatural that could still leave me with chills I’d be very happy.
I like things that give me a little frisson of unease, and I’ve run out of inspiration. In past years we’ve watched Nigel Kneale’s The Stone Tape, Children of the Stones, the film version of Quatermass and the Pit, Night of the Demon, the Robert Wise version of The Haunting, and even The Horror of Fang Rock. Last Christmas I really enjoyed Mark Gatiss’s Crooked House, particularly the third and final part.
So, here’s a plea. Can anyone recommend anything along those lines to creep me out this Halloween?
It’s that time of year again. Honestly, we have so much fun on Halloween we should be burned as witches1.
Janet’s not feeling too grand today and can’t leap up and down from the sofa very easily, so I’m taking the lion’s share of the callers. The ratio of cute-kids-who-are-really-into-it to sullen-teenagers-in-scream-masks is so far not ideal, but we’ll see how things go. The freezing drizzle we’ve had on and off all day has at least let up, which increases the chances of getting a good range of trick or treaters.
We’ve nothing to rival Janet’s 133t carving skills on last year’s pumpkin but the porch is still decked out in an array of pumpkins and scary Halloween tat. This year we’ve put one of our strange glowy rock things inside the pumpkin, giving it an exciting range of both red *and* green glows. For added scariness. And not having to replace the candle.
There’s just about nothing on TV tonight that qualifies as Halloween fare until after midnight, at least not on any channel I could find without an understanding of astronomically large numbers, or a willingness to watch Most Haunted. The mainstream TV channels just don’t seem to have caught on to the blatant commercialisation of this festival in recent years. Which is strangely unlike them. I’ve therefore
downloaded obtained via ouija board from the spirit world Nigel Kneale’s The Stone Tape, a TV play I’ve always had a hankering to see and which is out of print so costs slightly more to buy than a large high street bank.
1 Except, not really.2
2 I’d be a Warlock for a start.3
3 Yes, just like Julian Sands. Seriously, you remember that movie?4
4 Okay, I kinda liked it too but that’s not the point. What was the point?5
5 Oh yes, in summary, not to burn us as witches and/or warlocks.
Disturbingly, LiveJournal has apparently morphed into UndeadJournal. My Halloween-loving wife approves of this “tremendously”. She’s already bought some sweets in preparation for the trick-or-treaters this Friday. She’s also bought a Witch’s hat because the team on her enquiries desk at work are dressing up for the occasion. And, yes, she’s now pretending to be a zombie and saying “Grr, Argh”, which segue-ways me nicely into…
Joss Whedon has posted about Dollhouse in his inimitable (i.e. insane and free-associative) way. He talks about the show and its behind-the-scenes trials and tribulations. It seems like a fairly honest post given how much detail he goes into about the difficulties with the network, but he also sounds enthused. Right now I really have no idea what to expect from this show or its premise, or if I’ll even like it, but I’m definitely intrigued to find out.
Today I succeeded in viewing the BBC iPlayer on our Wii, using the internet channel (for which I had to pay a trivial but somehow annoying £3.50). The Wii is an incredibly clunky way to browse the internet, with all sorts of zooming in, zooming out, scrolling around pages and trying to hit tiny buttons with the blunt instrument that is the Wii remote. It’s a bit like doing watch repair while wearing oven gloves. However I did succeed in streaming part of Simon Schama’s series about the U.S. using this method. Of all the ways to get TV on demand this is probably not going to win anyone over, but it does actually work. After a fashion.
I also now have a new mobile phone. I went with the Samsung G600 in the end, because although I don’t think it’s the best phone out there, it’s the best one whose shininess I fell in love with. My verdict: shiny! Seems good so far. Okay, I had to do a stupid menu hack to get it to synch with the PC, and if I want mp3 text-message tones I have to upgrade the firmware with a special cable I don’t own, but these niggles aside it’s a nice phone to use. I now have the Firefly End Theme as my ringtone. Did I mention the shiny?
It’s begun. We’ve had six trick-or-treaters already. Four of the uninspiring ’12-year-old boys in tracksuits with Scream masks’ variety, and two of the ‘painfully cute little girls in witches’ costume’ variety. One was a man selling double-glazing, but we won’t talk about him.
As always our porch is bedecked with Halloween decorations in a way which would make any self-respecting house-holder cry with shame, and us glow with pride. Janet took the pumpkin carving one step further this year with a fantastic spider-web design she found online. I’m so impressed. I played it safe.
I realise that huge numbers of people lock the doors, hide behind the sofa, go out, or otherwise take out restraining orders on anyone under 20. Others say it’s tantamount to begging, or extortion. Some grumble it’s American culture subsuming our own. Even the police are talking tough. Frankly we have no complaints. We get all treats, no tricks. The worst I can say is that some of the kids don’t put much effort in, but many do, and many are accompanied by responsible parents. A significant portion are so sweet and so sincere you could die from cuteness on the spot. Especially when they squee with excitement as they leave with the bag of treats. Above all, and despite the recent commercialisation, it’s about kids being kids and having fun, not about anything antisocial. It’s cool.
EDIT: Sample grumpy news story.
EDIT2: All went very well, although we got through less bags of sweets than usual. I think some of the kids have grown out of it (we had a large group of older teenagers dressed as office zombies last year who said it was their final trick-or-treat). Plus we always get fewer when Halloween is mid week.
To cap it off I’ve managed to crack my head off the door post while taking down the decorations. Hard. Right on the outside edge of my eye socket. Ouch. There’s a tiny gash and some swelling, but despite Janet trying to cajole me into a trip to Casualty there are no signs of concussion. Just soreness!